So it’s that time again… Time for my “It’s the beginning of a new year, and I’m going to be better about… (insert item here)”. I’m approaching
2013 a different way. I have one simple goal that will hopefully encompass everything… Let go.
Just before I left town for Christmas, I was in crunch mode at work. I was overwhelmed to the point of tears trying to figure out how everything was going to get done, especially when people who had promised to lend a hand let me down. After several restless nights and two days left, I got in my car before work that Monday and said a simple prayer. I said two simple sentences. “Okay, God, I’m letting go. This is up to you.” And with that I headed into the week, and by the end of that first day I was ahead of the game and ready to tackle the rest of the load.
That is how I am going into this year. I’m letting go. I send so much of my time trying to control and micromanage everything. I lose sleep worrying about things that I have no control over. So this year, my “resolution” is to let go.
It’s not going to be easy. I know that. A control freak letting go of control is like an alcoholic letting go of a bottle of whiskey. I say that because control is my coping mechanism. Just like many people turn to drugs, alcohol, or whatever vice to deal with things in their lives, I turn to control. I control everything I possibly can to get past the loss of control in other areas of my life.
And before you think it, I promise I’m not self diagosing myself. This is something that I addressed years ago in therapy. But, despite sitting on the therapist’s couch, delving into issues that I didn’t want to touch, I wasn’t ready. I learned what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t face trying to fix it. I think I am now.
So this year is going to be about letting go of what doesn’t matter, handing my problems up to God for him to do with as he will, and I will do the best I can. I’ll try to be a good daugther, a good friend, a good employee, a good person… I’ll write when I can and when I’m inspired, not waiting until everything else is “in line” before I give myself that pleasure. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect, because life… as messy as it is… is just the way it is meant to be.
Remind me of that when I’m having a panic attack over something that isn’t falling in place, okay?
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. ~ Brooks Atkinson
Unexpected Way 